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Blue's Journal

The living equivalent of a comedic tragedy...

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"The life of every individual, viewed as a whole and in general and when only its most significant features are emphasized, is really a tragedy; but gone through in detail, it has the characteristics of a comedy." - Arthur Schopenhauer

"Those who go beneath the surface do so at their own peril." - Oscar Wilde

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." - Nicholas Diamos

There are still days when I feel a great sense of guilt and shame because I can live my life, yet I remember seeing those who could not.

For the first twelve years of my life, I was given a view of humans at their best and I never knew different. For the next six years, I was given a view of humans at their worst, one that's been in the back of my mind ever since. Now I'm 21, and I don't consider myself to be a very 'nice' individual. I am at times alternately grumpy, pessimistic, withdrawn, quiet, thoughtful and occasionally, hopeful. Sometimes I'm all of the above. I also tend to have a bad habit of drowning the aforementioned in cheerfulness when I'm in the midst of a large group of people. I do this because I've been told before that my true demeanor can be both depressing and intimidating. When I look back, I can think of only a handful of people who've had glimpses of the real me.

Despite the above, there are some wonderful people out there, and I thank them for putting up with me every day.

"To what you said,
passionately clasping my hand,
this is my answer:

Though you have strayed hither
for my sake, you can never
belong to me, nor I to you,

Behold the customary loves and friendships,
the cold guards
I am that rough and simple person."

- To What You Said, Walt Whitman